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perhaps my search for a pattern is actually my pattern?

just read another chapter in Personality and Prayer and I feel – wow… where do I start… this is an excellent book, so helpful in understanding myself better and understanding others better. the bits about people whose personality is very different to mine are really helpful in understanding how life looks and feels to them, and why they insist on doing things in what to me is such a weird way… the bits about my own personality type help me to (a) feel that it’s ok, it’s not just me (b) understand better why I do things in a way that to others seems weird…

I’ve just read the chapter on Intuitives, and it was lovely to read such a loving and understanding description of what we’re like – a great antidote to the exasperated sighs one sometimes feels the “rational/sensible” world around us is sighing… And what I read there confirmed to me something I had been suspecting for a while:

my constant search for a pattern that will work for me is actually the pattern that works for me.

somewhere in my head there is a voice that now and again says I should find the pattern that will work for me – a pattern for prayer and Bible reading that will fit with my needs, my personality, my life style. why do I keep searching for that elusive pattern? because every now and again I find that whatever pattern I had been trying to use, it isn’t working any more. so, if I tried X and Y and those don’t work for me long-term, there must be a Z somewhere out there which will, right? wrong.

it turns out that us Intuitives have a very strong need for variety and a very low boredom threshold. I actually already knew this about myself in other areas but hadn’t made this connection.

(pause for a minute. maybe I should define the term for those who aren’t familiar with the MBTi lingo – this isn’t about just having a strong intuition, it’s about how you generally tend to look at the world: do you rely mainly on your sensory perception, or do you rely mainly on your intuition? it’s not either/or, it’s about which part is stronger.)

so where was I? yes, it turns out that being an Intuitive person (in this technical sense) means I have a strong need to keep varying things, to keep changing the menu – and this applies not just to my inability to cope with having the same food every day, even if it’s very yummy food. it applies to my prayer life too, and to Bible reading patterns. so this discomfort of every now and again having to review my pattern and find a new one – looks like this discomfort is something I have to live with, it’s part of the way I function. I met someone recently who recommended a set of daily Bible reading notes which she said she’s been using for twenty years – I guess I’m going to have to just get used to the fact that this is very unlikely to happen to me.

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